*The big screen the comes alight as the house lights go down and corny news-cast music plays over the sound system. A picture of a spinning globe is seen and then the initials N.A.M.N appear on the screen. The picture then comes into focus with Quan sitting behind a news desk and in the seat next to him Diamond Troy Justice. Both are wearing sports jackets and glasses over their regular wrestling gear.*
Diamond: “Welcome to the first edition of New Age Mafia News, I’m Diamond Troy Justice and this is Quanravdan Odonjil Bat-Ochir”.
The camera focus in on Quan with a picture next to him superimposed on the screen of Darth Clay”
Quan: “After a disastrous week for Darth Clay as Jeremy Alsop enjoyed his time as General Manager sources close to Darth Clay state that he may be considering retiring from wrestling all together. The faux Sith lunatic was seen walking the halls of X-Force looking like he was sucking a lemon. N.A.M.N wonders if the XFA boss is finally loosing it?”
*A brief piece of video footage is shown of Darth Clay walking and then shoving the cameraman out of his way*
DTJ: “He has certainly come a long way from hitting himself in the face with a kendo stick”.
Quan: “That seems like such a long time ago”.
The camera focus in on DTJ with a picture next to him superimposed on the screen of Sharkman”
DTJ: “Darth Clay flunkey and general man-fish nutter, Sharkman, enters the news this week after his grueling match *****cough*** loss ***cough**** last week against Jesse Blue. Rumors have it that he will be missing from XFA in coming weeks as he swims half way around the world for the sharkman mating season”.
Quan: “Wow, can you imagine sharkman on the pull. Just think what a sharkbabe looks like”.
DTJ: “it DOES NOT bear thinking about”.
*The camera focuses in on Quan who has become distracted and is chewing on a turkey drumstick. He finally realizes the camera is on him again and smiles, talking with his mouth slightly full*
Quan: “Let’s go now to our weather man, ‘The Natural’ Jesse Blue.”
*Camera pans to Jesse Blue standing in front of a weather map but instead of a map there is an aerial picture of the XFA ring. As he come on screen Jesse gives a big charming grin to the camera and speaks in a cheesy smooth voice”
Jesse: “Great weather ahead this week for X-Force –Aggression. Leading up to XFA this weekend and in the DTJ vs. JD Allgood match I predict a 40% chance of pain with a good chance of getting smacked in the face with a ladder. As we move close to the Dark Ryder vs. Ultimo match up I predict an increasing risk of tapping out with a good chance of Dark Ryder punching Darth Clay’s face in.
Finally the long term forecast....[Jesse turns to look directly into the camera]….my view of the weeks ahead….every member of BANE will have to kiss my ….”
*The camera quickly pans back to DTJ and Quan*
DTJ: “That’s all for the New Age Mafia News this week. Tune in next week for all the best from X Force Aggression including a roving report from our on-the-scene reporter, Jeremy Alsop and a full sports bulletin from our man, Dark Ryder!”.
Quan: “Good night”.
*The news theme music return as the news room fades into the background.*
